The Moose Method
Moose
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Posts by Moose
The Day the Penis Asked for a Raise
Jan 14th
The Day the Penis Asked for a Raise
I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons: I do physical labor. I work at great depths. I plunge headfirst into everything I do. I do not get weekends or public holidays off. I work in a damp environment. I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation. I work in high temperatures. My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
Sincerely, P. Niss
The Response
Dear Penis: After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration re jects your request for the following reasons: You do not work 8 hours straight. You fall asleep after brief work periods. You do not always follow the orders of the management team.. You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations. You do not take initiative – you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working. You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift. You don’t always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing. You will retire well before you are 65. You are unable to work double shifts. You sometimes leave More >
How to Please a Women
Nov 1st
How to please a woman:
Love her
Die for her
Take her to dinner
Miss the game for her
Buy her Jewerly
Be interested in what she has to say..
How to please a man:Show up naked. Bring a beer
Men Are Just Happier People
Oct 25th
NICKNAMES
· If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
· If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Dickhead and Shit for Brains.
EATING OUT
· When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
· When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY
· A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
· A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need but it’s on sale.
BATHROOMS
· A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
· The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS
· A woman More >
Be Each Others Best Friend
Oct 9th
One of the many ways women express themselves is by verbal communication, far more then men do. In other words, “they talk too much” according to most men. Some believe, myself included, that language was invented by women. While the men were out hunting, the females of the village sat around the fire preparing meals, clothing and creating other vital survival items. It’s nearly impossible that after months, a conversation would not be started, thus language was created. Now as all true hunters know, silence is key and using gesture for communication is crucial in order to hunt down an animal. “That’s great Moose, what the hell does it have to do with being her best friend?”. Well my friends, it has EVERYTHING to do with it. If the above theory is correct, then over the past thousands of years, women have evolved communication far greater then most of us men can comprehend. It is imperative that you learn to communicate with your women and most important be each others best friend. Lack of friendship and communication can lead to a downward-spiraling relationship which can lead to breakups, infidelity, your career suffering, etc..
In my hey days, I slept with many More >
How TO Make a Woman Happy
Oct 3rd
It’s not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21 an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls
AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes
IT IS VERY More >
Rules That Men Wished Women Knew
Oct 1st
1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us. 2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it’s up, put it down. 3. Don’t cut your hair. Ever. 4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if he can find the perfect present! 5. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear. 6. Sometimes, he’s not thinking about you. Live with it. 7. Don’t ask him what he’s thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, and monster trucks. 8. Get rid of your cat. And no, it’s not different, it’s just like every other cat. 9. Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period. 10. Sunday = Sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. 11. Shopping is not sport. 12. Anything you wear is fine. Really. 13. You have enough clothes. 14. You have too many shoes. 15. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don’t expect us to like it. 16. Your brother is an idiot, your ex-boyfriend is an idiot, and your dad’s way More >
Stand Up To Her and Say NO!
Aug 24th
It’s perfectly OK to tell her no, as a matter of fact she wants you to tell her no. Learn these words NO!!! Now say it with me, “NOOOOOO!” “No Means No” or “I say No No No” See how good that feels? One more time “I say No No No” Learn to say NO to others as well…it doesn’t have to be only with your women. From time to time, you should tell your boss NO when you disagree with certain things, specially if you’re in a management position. Remember you were hired to be a manager to make decisions and stand your ground. When you stand your ground even with your boss, it can make a powerful statement to your boss of a true sign of leadership. Remember, when telling your boss NO, you better have a damn good reason for it. At an old job of mine, my boss came over to see me while I was busy as hell, he dropped of a bag and said “hey drop this off in the VP’s office.” I put the customer on hold and looked at him straight in the eyes and said, “excuse me, I’m a bit busy More >
My boyfriend is being cheap?
Aug 14th
I honestly hope that is not the future of this country. This is a classic example of that movie idiocracy. Some females have a tendency to think that looks is all takes to be high maintenance. When were out in the bar seen picking up women, we stayed away from the dumb ones because it’s hard to grab their attention do to the lack of attention span. Also know, that generally men who have made a decent wealth for themselves are pretty intelligent and want a parter in their life who is also intelligent. Looks are fine, but they fade with age. I hope this girl turns away from MTV and starts watching the history channel or discovery.
Womanise… @yahoo answers
Hi im a girl and my boyfriend is bring a total dooche bag. I told him to you now like buy me that gucci bag and he like no way hozay. Im like whatever loser. So we walk up to like the most like greatest like jewellry shop and i was like buy me that bag dooche bag and he was like no way hozay and i was like whatever loser.
So why isn’t he buying what i need and how do i punish More >
Should I be happy if someone I dated in 07 text me and said they went by my work and thought of me?
Aug 14th
I really loved him but it was a bad time in my life and I still miss him. He said he hoped all was well and remembered an over a year ago conversation when I said I felt he forgot me so he also put see I didn’t forget you? I said I thought of him one night when I was by his house where he replied what you didn’t stop by! Haha so the haha threw me off!
Moose Best Answer – Chosen by Voters
Sure, it sounds that you actually care about this person and he probably wants to get to see where things go. You should hang out with him and see where it leads. An old love that dates 3 + years ago is usually much stronger. Both of you have probably matured in life and may be ready for one another.
It happened between me and my finance. Anything is possible
